Midlife Crisis and Emotional Affair

[mleigh4]

Hi Lost. I see a lot of myself in you from what you have posted, same with your H in mine.

First off, many of these situations include an affair, but not all. I believe sometimes they get tempted by one, and that alone sends them spinning with self doubt of their feelings with themself and with the spouse. Just my opinion.

The main thing to do is take the focus off of your husband and put it on you. You sound like a strong person, but this step is really hard to do. Distract yourself with friends, hobbies and doing things you enjoy. It gets easier after time.

When my H moved out 7 months ago, he was practically skipping while moving things out while me and our son sat there. He was ecstatic about it. He seemed very happy at first, but It seemed to wear off about 6 months later and I see signs of the loneliness creeping into his world now. He just wanted space and time alone, no sign of OW in his world. I think the best thing I did was step back, give him that space, and go about my life.

Recently H is nicer, more giving and asks to spend time with me and son here and there. He even asked to go on vacation with us a month ago, a first in 2 years.

My advice, give your H that space to deal with his demons. Don't take it personal, the biggest lesson I learned here is that this journey he is on is not about you. No marriage is perfect, there are always issues. Don't beat yourself up when looking back, take the opportunity now to make changes in yourself that you see need changing. Use this time to work on yourself, it's the only thing you can control in this mess.

Good luck, stay strong, and keep posting.