Whew, busy day at work, but it's good to be busy. And things continue to seem to be slowly warming between us. So on with an update...
W is out of town tonight (business function at one of the offices of the Co. OM works for--not sure if he'll be there or not) and I am leaving tomorrow before she gets back to see my Grandmother for the weekend. We had known about both our trips for a little while, and so Sunday I had asked W if she wouldn't mind staying home a few nights this week so we could spend time together, I told her I really enjoy her company. W stayed home M, T, and W night!
W has been receiving from me two massages a day, one in the morning and one at night, each lasting anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and a half. She has been more receptive to me touching her. She's started doing this thing where she'll move into a position near me or lie down in such a way that says without words that she's ready for a massage. She's asked me to stay away from erogenous zones, and I thanked her for letting me know. I want her to know that I respect her. She has been more receptive to the occasional hug (but I think I need to be careful to still go slowly on this), and several times last night during conversation we were so close (on the living room floor and later on her bed) as to be technically snuggling (and she didn't seem at all closed up or wanting to push away). Can I say heaven? I really had to fight down my desire to kiss her.
We've been having lots of great light convo about everything from the weather to work to what we're wearing to haircuts etcetera. We haven't really had any OR talk since Sunday, which is probably good right now. W was talking the other day about a coworker and his brother and the trials they have faced in their lives. She said she thinks that some people face more strife than others because God thinks they can grow from it, and that he never gives them more than they can handle. I thought this was absolutely beautiful, especially coming from someone who doesn't talk about God very often.
Last night, W was trying to pick out clothes for her trip, and wanted my help, so she gave me a little half hour fashion show, and I helped her pick out outfits. It was way fun. I adore spending time with her.
Lots of really wonderful babysteps, methinks.
This weekend will be a little difficult for me. It's hard right now to be away from her for more than a day or two--my mind occasionally gets worked up speculating about her and OM--and I know that's something I need to work on. I have to keep telling myself over and over that things ARE getting better between us, and that I need to stop my mind from analyzing everything to death.
Quote: patience and understanding are your best friend, for everything in life, not just because you have a troubled marrige--think about it.
You are right, my whole sitch is becoming a life-wide lesson for me.
