Whew, busy day at work, but it's good to be busy. And things continue to seem to be slowly warming between us. So on with an update...
W is out of town tonight (business function at one of the offices of the Co. OM works for--not sure if he'll be there or not) and I am leaving tomorrow before she gets back to see my Grandmother for the weekend. We had known about both our trips for a little while, and so Sunday I had asked W if she wouldn't mind staying home a few nights this week so we could spend time together, I told her I really enjoy her company. W stayed home M, T, and W night!
W has been receiving from me two massages a day, one in the morning and one at night, each lasting anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and a half. She has been more receptive to me touching her. She's started doing this thing where she'll move into a position near me or lie down in such a way that says without words that she's ready for a massage. She's asked me to stay away from erogenous zones, and I thanked her for letting me know. I want her to know that I respect her. She has been more receptive to the occasional hug (but I think I need to be careful to still go slowly on this), and several times last night during conversation we were so close (on the living room floor and later on her bed) as to be technically snuggling (and she didn't seem at all closed up or wanting to push away). Can I say heaven? I really had to fight down my desire to kiss her.
We've been having lots of great light convo about everything from the weather to work to what we're wearing to haircuts etcetera. We haven't really had any OR talk since Sunday, which is probably good right now. W was talking the other day about a coworker and his brother and the trials they have faced in their lives. She said she thinks that some people face more strife than others because God thinks they can grow from it, and that he never gives them more than they can handle. I thought this was absolutely beautiful, especially coming from someone who doesn't talk about God very often.
Last night, W was trying to pick out clothes for her trip, and wanted my help, so she gave me a little half hour fashion show, and I helped her pick out outfits. It was way fun. I adore spending time with her.
Lots of really wonderful babysteps, methinks.
This weekend will be a little difficult for me. It's hard right now to be away from her for more than a day or two--my mind occasionally gets worked up speculating about her and OM--and I know that's something I need to work on. I have to keep telling myself over and over that things ARE getting better between us, and that I need to stop my mind from analyzing everything to death.
Quote: patience and understanding are your best friend, for everything in life, not just because you have a troubled marrige--think about it.
You are right, my whole sitch is becoming a life-wide lesson for me.
Quote: Lots of really wonderful babysteps, methinks.
This weekend will be a little difficult for me. It's hard right now to be away from her for more than a day or two--my mind occasionally gets worked up speculating about her and OM--and I know that's something I need to work on. I have to keep telling myself over and over that things ARE getting better between us, and that I need to stop my mind from analyzing everything to death.
Methinks so as well! Here's to us and our W's and our soon to be reconciliations!
Stop the crazymaking, it doesn't do you any good does it?
Quote: I had asked W if she wouldn't mind staying home a few nights this week so we could spend time together, I told her I really enjoy her company. W stayed home M, T, and W night!
WOO HOO!!!
Quote: She's started doing this thing where she'll move into a position near me or lie down in such a way that says without words that she's ready for a massage. ...and several times last night during conversation we were so close as to be technically snuggling
DOUBLE WOWIE WOO HOO!!! I am doing a fantastic little dance for you right now.
Quote: ...so she gave me a little half hour fashion show
I miss my H wanting to do this stuff with me.
Do NOT worry about the OM right now. Things are going SO well for you. I am so pleased. You have got to have PMA through the ROOF! Goodness, it won't be long now before you're holding her or maybe giving her a peck on the cheek? OM had better be careful, there's another OM in the picture, and he's even better than her H was. !!!!!!!!!
wow, great news renew! little by little. I can't stand it massages, fashion shows--this is great stuff!! Just keep busy this weekend and don't over analyze anything. This is perfect timing, your visit to your grandmothers house. You don't want too much to fast and have a chance of runing it. this will give some time to yourself. Its like her wall came down a little. I am glad to hear good news like yours!!
Seattle, Rottzilla, Anita, thank you all very much for the posts and the encouragement. You've got me a feeling a bit better this morning. My grandmother and my uncle and I watched the English Patient last night--if I'd known the main character was an OM and that the H tries to kill all 3 of them in a plane crash I probably would have selected a different movie. Oh well, it was a very good movie nonetheless, and I'm glad I finally got a chance to see it.
Before I left yesterday, I had done/left some things in the kitchen for W (I repaired the screen door handle, baked a batch of cornbread for her--she had shown me the recipe a few days ago, left a selection of birthday cards on the counter--for her nephew's coming birthday, and left a little magnet on the fridge. We're not the "fridge magnet" type--the only magnets we have on our fridge are the recycling dates and one w/ a little drawing of a girl farting (a not so short story I'll tell some other time), but this one was too irresistable. It had a hand drawn picture of a girl with rain on one side and sun and flowers on the other side. It said something like..."such was the power of the girl who was beautiful inside that wherever she went the rain stopped and flowers grew in her path."
Well, normally I would have expected at least a short phone call, but I never heard from her. I didn't want to call her on her cell and seem pressed to talk to her, so I just called the house later that night, but I got the VM. I left her a message letting her know that I arrived safely and asking if she tried the cornbread because I was curious if the recipe turned out all right.
So it's saturday morning now--I'm typing from a public library terminal here in the mountains--and I'm guessing I may not hear from her until I get back. I'm guessing I should just accept it, remember all the babysteps. I'm doing my best to follow everyone's advice and not analyze this, just keep busy and not have any expectations. So I guess my chant for the day is, "I will not think about W and OM, I will not think about W and OM,..."
Those are some really good signs! I've found what works too is adding the "pre-dating" vibe. I think it's easy for our S's to pigeonhole us, expect us to be the same old boring, (even irritating) person that they have known all these years- and pumping up the excitement and "new you" is key to create a new, enticing, almost flirty vibe with them(and get flirtier in time). What are some of the things you did/ways you acted before you and W were "officially together"? Like getting back to the mode where you were both new, fresh, and fun to each other- everything from the way you talk, dress(wear something sexy more often, cologne?), things you do...etc That is so great you are giving W backrubs and she's spending more time with you. This is happening for you!
Master the self-fulfilling prophecy.. Act 'as if' it's going to happen and make it be!!
I think RJ has some really good points and it seems you might have already implemented some of them before with good success.
Definitely stop the crazymaking, there is nothing you can do about any of it. Just trust that she is making the best decisions she can make, and care for her unconditionally. Take care of yourself during this time and do your best at detachment. You'll be a happier person and your PMA will show. Isn't that how you'll eventually draw her back to you anyway?
Hey Renew, you probably haven't gotten back to a regular computer yet. This time away will give W a good chance to miss you. Even if she doesn't go home, I bet she will be missing you a lot.
Thanks Rottzilla, you've bounced my PMA way up! 