Time to make changes

[joss]

Had an interesting exchange with H tonight while he was picking up the children to take them to his new place (SILs undecorated house 2 miles away).

Brief back-story: I am self employed, teaching children and adults how to cook and this week my business has gone a little crazy due to me massively expanding my facebook connections. H set up my website a couple of years ago, so he gets informed of any bookings I get (along with me). So tonight he commented on the amount of new bookings I have received this week and asked the reason for them. I told him. (I think he sees me as incompetent and unable to plan/excecute/organise as I have never worked in an office like him). In that moment I felt really proud of myself, that all of my efforts over the past 3 years are finally paying off. And this is since I have been on my own, having headspace to make things happen. Who'da thought it??? H noticed my confidence when talking about my work and I thope he is beginning to realise that I can achieve success (on my terms) without his constant help and advice. I feel like I've finally come into my own a little bit. Yay me...

Additionally, we got to discussing the children and it became apparent that I had begun to discipline the kids and their behaviour a lot more since he's been gone. We have both know that their behaviour has been a little out of control and have tried (and failed many times) to control it, but with 2 parents, it is difficult. So I have been doing it alone, and it is working. The other day the kids were really nasty to each other and I gave them a warning and told them they'd lose their time on the playstation if they continued (usually I just shout at them, which changes nothing ). They continued fighting, and so lost their playstation rights. When H arrived tonight he asked me to pack the playstation to take to his new place and I said no, they have lost that right until tomorrow. He was taken aback and asked where this new-found stance had come from. I just commented off hand that it was much easier to discipline the children with only one parent in the house and I;d appreciate it if he stuck to those rules. That felt good. Kinda like what I imagine feeling in control may feel like, if I can remember that far back.......

Discipline has been lacking in our house since his affair started 5 years ago.We have both been in our own heads andletting the children get away with things they shouldn't. This has had a detrimental effect on many areas of our lives, but most noticibly at dinnertimes. S14 is slightly autistic and he sees mealtimes only as a re-fueling exercise. He literally pushes food down his throat and is finished before we have even sat down to eat. Quite disgusting actually. This has caused us a lot of stress over the past couple of years, to the point that we don't want to sit and eat together as a family. (In fact H described me and the kids as his car crash family to his mother a couple of months ago!!!) Charming....

Well tonight,the children and I had a great chat over dinner. (I let S14 shovel his food down - remembering to control only what was mine to control).They were adorable, and really fun to be with. They chatted together and made references to their shared high school experience (usially they just fight and bitch with one another). Of course the homour was very base (groan...) but we all had fun, with lots of hilarity.

D15 mentioned what fun we had had at dinner and gave H an in depth run down of the happenings. When H was leaving with the children he turned to me and commented:

it seems that everyone is getting on fine without me He seemed really upset and became distant. I said nothing and proceeded to get the kids organised for their evening with their father.....

All in all, H was made aware that life most definately goes on without him. I showed a confident side of me that hasn't been out for a while and this felt good.