I just wanted to start by thanking everyone for their replies and support. It all has been a big help to me.
Tonight has actually gone better than I was expecting. I made major point not to look or act upset when she had her phone out texting him, and did not mention us as a MR or working on us. Also, I am 12 hours into no sorrys about how I was or doing this to us and the like.
I have kept all our talking friendly and light hearted. She seemed to enjoy all of it. I am still not going to go completely dark or anything, but I am also not smothering her. One of our issues was my checking out for so long and a total breakdown of our communications. So, I am making it a point to try to listen to everything she says and respond nicely. I do initiate it sometimes, but that goes back to one of my 180s. I never used to open up to her and try to have a conversation before. I mean in the beginning i did. But not since the birth of my twins.
My D4 is actually taking notice of my changes and that has helped to solidify my resolve to keep these changes. We were sitting around after dinner and she looked at me and said "Daddy how can you play your games with the doors closed?"( on the entertainment center) and I said "Im not playing my games anymore so that I can spend more time woth you, your sisters, and brother" and she lit up like a christmas tree. Her smile after I said that was all I needed to help me know that this is the path I want no matter what.
I am still working on my anger. Im not violent , but during arguments with my wife I find myself saying hurtful things that I dont mean when I feel attacked. That hasn't been an issue for us in a long time, but mainly because we didnt really talk anymore once I checked out. However, moving forward I know I must adress this to be a better person either way.
My wife is still talking on occasion like there is a future for us. I know not to look into it too much, but it is nice to hear her talking about what we are going to do with our tax return (our twins are ready for twin beds soon lol) and costumes for the kids on Halloween.
I got her to help with the chores around the house tonight for the first time all week, which was nice. We even played rock paper scissors to decide diaper duty. Lol (that used to be a thing we did)(we cloth diaper to save money)
I will update again tomorrow, but any insight and advice is always appreciated. Also, as always if anyone wants clarification or more info about our sitch, just ask. I check here often so I'll reply as soon as I can. Sorry for my walls of text lol, but it feels good to talk about it.
