Need advice for a WW who left Part 3

[dwh15]

Your W isn't your enemy, but she's definitely not in your corner anymore. That's hard to accept, but the sooner you truly get that the sooner you will be in your own corner more and more. The fastest way to get over your dependence on your WAW is to learn to meet the needs she was meeting on your own. Validate yourself. Be there for yourself. Hug yourself. Appreciate yourself. That's why GAL is important as well. When you find ways to get the support you need through other channels, you'll go from NEEDING your W to WANTING her. And, oftentimes, once the need is gone you will see her differently and will have trouble not going to the opposite extreme and being disgusted by her and not wanting her at all.

Anyway, some random thoughts, hang in, and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!

Thanks Zeus. I've been doing a LOT of GAL lately and it really does help. I actually was feeling pretty good over the past couple of weeks, but having to spend time with WW 2 days in a row this week set me back I think. It wasn't by choice; we had meetings with the school for S10 and WW is making sure she attends every single meeting. I think she's worried about how it will look in a custody case if she doesn't attend.

So I'm confident that I'll bounce back over the next few days and things return to "normal". She hasn't tried contacting me at all over the past two days. Back to texting the kids for setting up plans, which really bothers me, but I've given up fighting her on it. When things don't pan out because she didn't include me on communication, then it's her own fault. There are no more urgent meetings scheduled for a while so my guess is I don't see WW in person for at least another 2-3 weeks. I hate that it has to be this way but the distance really does help me with detachment. I keep trying to fool myself that we can be "friends" and it feels good being able to talk with her, but then I always bottom out after a day or two of NC. Which tells me I'm not detached yet. From her perspective, no idea why she seems to want the NC lately, since she was all about being good friends that first few weeks. Once I cut off the money supply, her interest went away, so my best guess is she was only using me to get what she wanted, and no longer sees a point. Hurts to think it, but that's reality and I need to accept it.

I think setting timetables this far out is only going to set you up for failure. I understand what you are saying about the finances and such, but Im not sure theres a ton of benefit in worrying about things 6 months out. A lot can happen in that time. Better to focus those thoughts somewhere that can help you now!

Agreed. The only reason I mentioned it at all is because it's sort of a hard break point for me. In May 2017 I will cross 20 years of M, and spouse support potentially goes to lifetime, rather than the 7 years I'm looking at now. I will not allow that to happen. Technically, I could probably hold off until Aug 2016 or so, but the courts can take up to 8 months to finalize a D after filing, so I don't want to cut it too close. I figure this gets us through a major holiday season, and will give everyone an idea of what life is going to be like, plus a year of separation seems like a good place to draw a line. As you say, a lot can happen in 6 months, so guess I'll see where life leads.