I suspect that H is engaged to OW

[Painter]

Mvgfwd, thank you for your ideas - I'm not one to stay passive, either... I have texted OW a couple of times (long time ago) and never got a reply. She never told H that I texted her, either.

I brought it up with H and presented it as a fact from OW's FB page. He denied it, then eventually said that OW had been dating someone on and off for a long time before the A, and perhaps it was him. He also displayed some signs of jealousy and regret that more than anything else seemed convincing, although quite painful to listen to and watch. He said he wish he hadn't been told.

We talked about keeping the back door open and not fully committing to R (not writing the letter and all that), and I'm thinking maybe this will enable him to commit more to our process now when there's no way back. Who knows...