Thank you so much for all of the suggested reading above. I appreciate it. I think you hit the nail on the head when you say that there are things that you feel you cannot forgive but if you don't you feel guilty. In my R with my H and also with my father there are things that I just don't think I can forgive. And I want to understand how I can be ok with that. I don't want to justify why I'm not going to forgive, I want to understand it. Not sure if that makes sense.
Sometimes I feel that I have been manipulated and taken advantage of because I am not strong enough, feel guilty and am too forgiving. I want to learn to be strong and forgiving but not stupid. I haven't had much guidance in the area of forgiveness. I liked the way you presented the concept of forgiveness to Zelda.
Zelda,
Thank you for your suggestions for talking to my D. We have had the very discussion you mentioned above. And I totally agree with you that attitudes can be picked up through relationships and are not necessarily genetic. And also that mental health is so important. I am trying to be a " regular" mom and ask the kind of questions you presented above. I told my D that I will not interfere in her R with her dad but I did not agree with his opinion regarding who she could chose to be with. I also told her that I would support whatever she decided was best for her.
We both know that her dad is going through a very difficult emotional time and is not really acting like his old self. We have also discussed that there is a possibility that he may not be his old self for a long time.
Thank you both again for visiting my thread. I will continue to post and try to keep up with yours.
