Quote: I would be interested to know what things she said about OM that made her have doubts.
For starters, OM's relationship history makes W a little nervous. His history includes his previous M and D (W cheated on him with a friend of his and more...), as well as an approx. 5 yr relationship with a woman who could probably be best described as an abusive barbie doll (she would have regular temper tantrums, throw things at him, got him put in jail once, just about ruined his credit, etc...). He also had a relationship with a coworker that W still isn't completely sure he's been 100% forthcoming about. And he's had his run of short one night stand relationships many men go through.
Also, he's said things to W in conversation that lead her to believe he's got very low self esteem when it comes to women. He continues to try to justify why he stayed with the abusive XGF for so long. He sometimes gets nervous w/ W, wondering if he did something wrong when he doesn't see her for a day or two. He also had a run-in w/ XGF recently where she called him and he met her at a bar just to talk, and W was like, "why on earth did he do that?" W said something to the effect the other day that she feels like she's trying to help him back on his feet because he's a nice guy who's never had a normal relationship... All very interesting.
Quote: You have done a nice job listing the things that you want from W, will you list a few of the things in bullet points also that you are doing to attain those from her?
--Paying attention to her and being truly interested, Listening w/o judging or criticizing and enjoying it, Validating her feelings, Responding to her, Responding to her requests. --Being patient and kind with her, Giving unconditional love, Not being defensive, Not setting boundaries on our time together. --"Detaching" (letting go), Not saying ILY (occasional slips here), Choosing to be happy, Staying in shape, regular gym, Trying to watch my budget. --Doing as much around the house as I can (and trying to respond to household requests as quickly as I can--I used to put these things off all the time), Not making verbal limitations on my accessibilty for chores or tasks, Making dinner several times a week. --Occasional small "gifts" (baking cookies, cards, lighting candles at dinnertime,...). --Watching myself with friends of questionable influence. --Giving her space, allowing her to do what she chooses with her time. --Getting up early in the morning to massage her feet before she gets out of bed. --Adjusting my schedule to be able to spend more time with her.
Thanks again everyone! (Rottzilla, I just posted over on your thread a few minutes ago, I hope your PMS is back up now.)
