My WW loves her OOM

[Zues126]

DW has a point, maybe I'm a little too abrasive. When I see posts like this last one it just makes me want to drive the point home.

There is SO much pain LBHs cause themselves by constantly temp checking, and trying to figure out if W might still return, what the chances are, whether R would still be possible, how that could still work, etc. But that is the opposite of detachment, and it causes us pain and stunts our growth.

Look at it like you're watching a sports game, and you bet $1,000,000 on the game. Now your team is losing, but there's still some time, and maybe they could make a comeback, but now the third quarter is ticking, but it's still possible, and every time your team gets the ball you get your hopes up on a comeback...this would be a STRESSFUL situation.

No suppose that same game you didn't be any money on, and not only that it was a game that you had recorded but hadn't watched yet, but you already heard your team had lost. Well, knowing the outcome, knowing you didn't bet on the game, you might still watch to see how it played out, but you wouldn't be nearly as concerned about it.

Not a perfect analogy, but my advice to newcomers is not to bet the farm on a game that is lost. Your emotional wellbeing is too much to gamble, particularly when she's already told you the game is over.

LRT is to preserve your wellbeing and maintain self-respect, GAL is to learn to take care of yourself and meet your needs elsewhere so you aren't dependent on someone that isn't there for you, 180s are so your life gets better, and DBing in general is so you can stay true to your belief of standing by your M, whether it looks salvageable or not.

When I was new I was desperate for people to encourage me to have hope based on every kind word my STBX uttered (which was probably out of guilt/manipulation 99% of the time)...but that didn't help me. I wish I'd have listened to the people that were telling me to let go and move forward. Maybe it's too soon still to hear this. I'm sorry guys. I feel the pain Sorgan. I do. I just want you to take care of yourself.