A bit of light would be nice. I think maybe it's the time of year. Shorter days, winter coming...who knows. It is so hard to detach. I still struggle with not picking up the phone.
May your day tomorrow be filled with light.
E
Thank you E, so much. My days have been a bit cloudy lately, not sure why. Perhaps it's having my dog back and realizing how much I missed him over the past four months, and having that feeling stir up how much I miss my W and don't understand this process. I do understand it rationally, but don't in my heart.
It's Friday and already I'm steeling myself for the weekend. Against thoughts of what my W may be doing, who she's with, and if she's thinking of me. One three day weekend and I realize how much detaching there still is to do. I understand why people break down and just file for D's themselves or start a new relationship with someone else. The tiniest bit of hope that the DB process keeps can be challenging in itself. Detach, detach, detach.
That being said, I'm grateful for the hope as it's still a driving force to stay strong, stay sober, keep learning, and not give in to the dark archetypal pattern of divorce that seems so ready and willing to scoop us all up. I still see it with friends, and read about it elsewhere and do not want to be a part of that.
If there truly are lessons to be learned from pain, we're all learning them here. I know I am. If one of them is gratitude, that lesson is a big one.
Have a strong Friday DB'ers.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
