Update after a long time

[shodan]

Here is an update...this morning I logged into her phone and saw an email forwarded by the OM (her ex from college). He sent an email thread to her from Dec 2014. Nothing in his forward email, but the email thread from Dec 2014 was pretty detailed and "romantic", full of soulmate and I love you comments. I went to our room, told my wife that I had checked her phone as I said I would, and I saw the email. She said he must have sent it b/c he is blocked from her phone. I told her that she needs to send him a no contact letter, that we will both will approve. She agreed to do this. I told her that I would find a good template and we would sent it tonight.

I then asked what had spurred his email...there had to be some trigger. At first, she said that she had not seen him in months but then finally admitted that she has been seeing him again recently. He apparently is separated from his wife and moved in with his parents about 20 miles from our house. She had called him ~two weeks ago to break things off. I reiterated again why this needs to be done via letter/email, not on the phone, and that she is not to see him ever again.

But of course she became defensive again, said that I had "broken" into her phone, which is not something she would ever do. I told her that I checked her phone as we discussed that I would do and said that she has a lot to do to earn back my trust and if she has an issue with that, then we need to stop this process now because it will not work. Trust and honesty is the bed rock of all relationships. Without it, we have nothing.

so where are we...she left today saying that she wants to make our marriage work. I said that is good but there are parameters in which she needs to live and if she cannot do that, then I want no part of our marriage. We are at the beginning stages of potentially repairing our marriage. I cannot control her, only myself.

Thoughts/advice?