as_it_is - my adventure continues (part 4)

[asitis]

This one is not clueless. With my W even the slightest unintentional flash of something would draw my like a fly to honey. I definitely was too easy - it really would have been better if she had to work a little bit. I can recognize other women as being attractive, and even prettier than my W in some abstract sense or what society would judge, but it is my W that I am drawn to, and likely always will be. She thinks it is just because I want something sex. Even when I've tried to be very clear about why it is not that, she doesn't really believe -- yes, she has issues with believing she is lovable & that is a big part of our problems. Very sad.

No, I don't think this was intentional. Just that I don't factor into her thinking right now, or that she just plain forgot. Either way, not mentioning it will not be the reaction she expects either.

I cannot tease her, and she is sensitive about sexuality even though she likes sex, and she liked sex with me a lot. I was the initiator mostly, as it was part of my primary love language. She really has to be the one to initiate things because of that dynamic. She has to feel in total control right now if she is going to take any risks.

And, trust me on the young women. There is only one I am actually attracted to as a person, and I could theoretically be her grandfather. There is such a huge experience gap that I know I would lose interest very, very fast. I couldn't do that to someone I liked.

I've also had decades of experience being around attractive young women with daddy issues as my students. I've never gotten close to that boundary. My boundary issue is that I tend to get fatherly. It is more seeing all the fit young women wearing tight leggings that are the trend at least wear I am. I am a butt & leg man (esp. the former), and that just isn't very nice of them - not that they are thinking of attracting the attention of someone like me when they chose what to wear.

No, where I'm going to possibly get in trouble is if they have attractive available aunts who know how to seduce. That will take will power. Good thing I've built that up through my meditation practice, as I really don't want any complications while we negotiate a D and sort through the rubble of our R for what we want to save and perhaps build on.