I think I belong in Piecing...

[Painter]

The pessimism hits me, too, at times. When H is particularly negative, I think, why am I doing this? But I feel the alternative - D - is so much harder.

We have had issues from very early on, but we also had a lot of external stress that I thought was causing many of them. After a number of years, it's difficult to say now if the problems are personality-related or if the stressors we've experienced have wore on us to where we're now in a groove that's hard to get out of. But I found that H has traits that I'm not so crazy about and that he never showed or I got a chance to see before we got married. Anger, and a tendency to go into denial and even lie are the worst ones.

And some of the traits and behaviors I really appreciated - generosity, warmth, willingness to help, fun-loving and adventurous, engaged - are not very prevalent anymore. I have gone round after round with myself on what in my behavior may have encouraged these changes, and I know that how I reacted to the challenges we faced early on, impacted our M negatively. It has taken me time to change my behavior, but I gradually have for the last several years. I just don't know if it's too late for H to change.

I've tried to suggest to H things to do together that we both enjoy, but he wants to spend his time off on things he enjoys more. The result is that he spends most of his time off with friends, and I do my own things alone or with my friends. I just have a lot more time off than he has right now.

I feel a little more optimistic today - I've been worried that he's been keeping OW on the back burner, but I just found out she's engaged!