Let's All Be Like Coffee

[V2pt0]

Oh, and BT- see my post on Matt777's last thread. I love everything you said about anger being hurt transformed into an easier to deal with emotion...but I don't think personality disorders are bad for relationships.

Ok, so let me restate. I believe personality disorders are bad for relationships if treatment is not sought and issues are not managed properly. There are two challenges with this I see right off the bat. 1) You have to be willing to accept that you have a personality disorder and be willing to make changes, and 2) societies views on mental health are not predisposed to people doing the former. There is still too much stigma around mental health in this country. I don't even think most people really know that PDs are. I only just started reading up on them and it still seems scary to think I might fall within one of the clusters. What does that mean? Am I broken? Can I be fixed? I was talking to a friend on Sunday who has to pay for all couseling services for her M out of pocket. Not covered. At all. Even if someone knew they had a personality disorder, the chances of them sharing that with a potential partner I believe would be very low.

I just don't see how you can have a successful relation otherwise. An example would be narcissism and selfishness. You cannot have a successful marriage if one partner is unable or willing to be selfless. Could you just accept a partner who was selfish all of the time? I believe a healthy M is often about putting you often putting your self interests aside for what is best for the M/we. Another example would be if you are an avoidant personality who does not fully open up to your spouse for fear of rejection. Without that you are creating a marriage with limited emotional connection. Could you stay married to someone who never really let you know who they are? People with personality disorders have to be open to change and working on their issues. if this is the case, then yes, PDs are not bad for Rs. The two examples I shared could easily be me and my H.

Someday I hope to find a woman with her own personality disorder. Once we are M we form a PARTNERSHIP with COMBINED personality disorders. Instead of excusing our problems and condemning our partners, we form a broken team. We honestly communicate what those issues are, put each other's emotions as important as our own, and strive to work together to find a way that both people feel safe, valued, and loved. At least most of the time.

I am confident that some day you will find that woman!!

I haven't fixed my personality disorders. But I have learned how to manage it a bit, and how to communicate it to a potential partner. Now the question will be whether I can find a woman someday with the same viewpoint. Good thing I'm still in grieving so I don't have to wrestle that alligator at the moment!