tkdmme, I ended up not sending a text about our anniversary. I was pretty sure I wouldn't get a response, or I wouldn't like the response. I'm glad I didn't do anything. Now that day is past and I never had to go through it again.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
tkdmme, I decided not to acknowledge our anniversary for the very reasons you described. I continually have to remind myself that he has moved on.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
Looking for opinions. When H moved out he left a lot of stuff. Some stuff still in the garage and a bunch in his basement workshop.
He says it's still there because his back/shoulder have been hurt. I also think he is out of storage space.
I have not made a big deal about it. Not harassing him about his stuff is a big 180 for me. But I'm worried I'm not setting a firm enough boundary. I have asked him to move or organize the stuff in garage on Sept. 13 (the next day it is convenient for me. I wonder how much I should push?
Before we put the house on the market it will have to all go. There is nothing legal that says he has to move anything.
Also, if I am being completely honest having his stuff here feels like I still have a connection.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
My wife left all of her stuff here. She took 1/4 of her clothes, some pots and pans, a few dishes, and some workout stuff (2 bikes and a kayak), and left. Each time she comes by, she'll grab one or two things and I equate that to sitting on the fence. Her bachelorette pad must be getting full. It puzzles me beyond belief... If this sucked so bad, come get all your [censored] and go. Right???
Me - Mid 40's W - Mid 40's Married 20 No kids BD - 7/2015 ILYB... Moved out 2 days later Suspect EA
All the stuff my H left will go into storage. It's tools, hobby stuff etc. He has a hoarding problem so he's paying A LOT in storage fees.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
Looking for opinions. When H moved out he left a lot of stuff. Some stuff still in the garage and a bunch in his basement workshop.
He says it's still there because his back/shoulder have been hurt. I also think he is out of storage space.
I have not made a big deal about it. Not harassing him about his stuff is a big 180 for me. But I'm worried I'm not setting a firm enough boundary. I have asked him to move or organize the stuff in garage on Sept. 13 (the next day it is convenient for me. I wonder how much I should push?
Before we put the house on the market it will have to all go. There is nothing legal that says he has to move anything.
Also, if I am being completely honest having his stuff here feels like I still have a connection.
beckyb, you sound torn between keeping the stuff and insisting he moves it out.
You've told him a date and that's all you need to do for now, when you get closer to it you can choose to either remind it or let it slip. If you make a decision now and articulate it to him, you may regret it or it puts you in a difficult, inflexible position, so hold off, give yourself time to think and re-evaluate where you stand, when it's clearer in your mind, does that make sense?
Get your thinking back onto you, what have you done today that's for beckyb?
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I am just going to wait and see what happens. I stated what I want but without a court order I can't make him do anything. Talked to DB coach today. He said to set a boundary that is respectful to me but is not punishing him. If I can get the garage straightened up I'll be ok with stuff left in the basement. It bugs me to open the garage every day and see all that still there and it's keeping me from getting my stuff organized.
I thought I was seeing a little positive movement but today he stopped by to get mail and was in and out in a big hurry. I shouldn't have expected more.
I met with a real estate agent today and I'm going to prepare to sell the house. My not listed it until spring but I can get things ready.
I'm going out of town tomorrow for a long weekend. I'm really looking forward to it.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
The DB coach is right, don't punish your H, do something because it's what you want and when you want it to happen.
Did your H pop by to collect his mail unannounced? If so, are you OK with that or do you need to consider another boundary that means he needs to call in advance to let you know he's coming?
Enjoy your weekend relaxing and keep your thoughts on what you are doing, try not let them stray onto your husband. If you find yourself lost in thought about him, acknowledge what you are thinking about then gently allow your mind to get back into what is actually going on around you. It takes practise but you'll feel so much better and even more in control in the long run.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I knew he was coming ahead of time. Thanks for the advice about the thoughts. I've been trying to use it.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
Missing my H tonight. I'm visiting friends this weekend and it's good. But there are a lot of memories of him here too.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
