Matt, I want to offer words of support for how you are handling. I do not believe you fear dating just because you want to know you've fully let go of one rope before you may jerk someone (namely you) around by picking up another one.
We learned in my divorce care group that often, like activity is possible on a broken rib, by not letting it heal correctly, it will flare up and give you problems for years.
On the other hand it is nice to see fish out in the sea, and know one is not dead. It does have a way of widening the perspective and giving hope.
I have been seeing a man I'm interested in weekly, sometimes only a couple of times a month since May. Handsome professor/researcher. He knew I was going through a D, and he never asked anything beyond that. We've not held hands, or even moved into a R stance. We see each other, have lovely dates and I have grown to like him without getting emotionally or physically involved.
I've not gone to kiss him even. It is the strangest and most wonderful thing, actually, to get to know someone without the distraction of hormones. I don't want to move anything to another place yet, because as I said to a dear friend, it would be like trying to digest food without a stomach. And I'm thankful for his patience and understanding, as he asks for only my time and company. God knows what I could have even said about where my heart was and what I could offer without fulling understanding it anyway.
We all handle things differently, and Mozza's approach may be healthiest for Mozza.
But I know on one of these concert 'dates' my friend and I were talking close, and I was absolutely haunted my by X every time I felt like I wanted to plant one on him. Seeing X and feeling X like my brain was hijacked. When he no longer is in the back of my mind, anywhere, or even randomly - that will be the time I may choose to really explore my interest in this person.
I think you are wise to know yourself, Matt.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
