The first step is always the hardest!

[Vanilla]

The first step to healing is admitting there is a problem.

Oh yeah!
So here we go.

The problem is mine to own.

I really have difficulty with this. There are two types of problems, the first truly is yours you have ownership. The second type is just the universe and you have no control all you can do is react. This is the internal and external locus of control. Frankly a problem can arise over which you can have no ownership. So we really need to know the difference.

I can only own my half and I can only control my half.
I don't agree at all. If you keep trying to control everything you will get very burdened and very tired very quickly. Pick several important things, those that are your limiting factors and tackle those first. Like Napoleons army you can't advance on all fronts. It's unreasonable. Let some stuff go completely even if it's in your jurisdiction. pick your battles, or you win the fight and lose the war


I admit and accept I am controlling, negative.

Ok so these may need a 180. More work and discussions.


co-dependent,

This is well trodden ground. Try a 12 step, it's behavioural not fixed.

an Adult Child of An Alcoholic, Sexual Abuse survivor, Physical and mental Abuse Survivor,

These are positives, I am sad these are part of your life. You survived and now it's time to thrive. I would like you to google post traumatic growth. The reason is that all of these life events terrible as they are can be a reason to grow, inspirational growth.

Depressed, Angry, Anxious,

These are emotions, actually you have little control over them. Take the responsibility for things you do have control over. These can change through extreme self care. You have the right to feel all your feelings, I would like to recommend the film inside out. Yes it is so very clever and you can feel all your feelings. That is your right as a human being (not as a human doing).


Poor at making decisions,

Black and white thinking. Stop , you made at least one good decision. You are here!

not a present parent,

This is meaningless!

over weight,

Extreme self care needed. This one is resolvable!


financially and emotionally dependent!

There can be times when financial dependence is a necessary choice. Emotionally dependent on what exactly? More stinking thinking here, generalisation and black and white. Chose to learn about basic thinking errors.

I know sounds like I was really hard on myself

From where I am sitting you are beating yourself about things you shouldn't have control over and trying to control other things that need no control.

but I am not being hard on myself I am digging deep looking at ME and this shall help me set my goals.

I think it would be more productive to concentrate on healing the childhood and other traumas. For which you are not responsible, your job is to heal.if you work on healing from your physiology up, nutrition, sleep, exercise relaxation, health etc. these things are worth your effort. From this your emotions will shift naturally. Going GAL and moving forward will create a virtuous cycle of improvement. You can't will your emotions to change, no one can.

The physiology drives the feelings, and there are various theories about which are prime feelings. But these come from the limbic part of the brain. You have no control over this. Let them be, feel them. You are entitled to them. It's absolutely 100% as the rest of us! Let yourself off the responsibility for feelings.

If I know what I accept is wrong I know I can choose to dig deeper and work on me

The things you can change! Otherwise frustration will loom large.

instead of focusing on the R or lack there of! So Goal time!

Absolutely.

I have thought about this post a great deal. What I would want for you above all is healing.

So tough questions: you can say V not now, it's ok.

In which major areas do you need to heal? What do you choose?

What resources will you need to heal?

So which five goals would give you the greatest healing?

V