Six to Nine

[mahhhty]

Thanks Lost. I read this awhile ago and I think your advice is solid. Please read the latest and let me know what you think.

So the last two weeks....

I was scheduled to be in a wedding on 8/29 the day before my X-Anniversary. It was a mental challenge but I wanted to be there and planned to bring the kids. However, the wedding schedule came out the week leading into the festivities and I determined it wasn't feasible anymore to do my duties in the wedding and bring the kids solo. There were a ton of things planned and stuff to help with, it would have been very very challenging on top of an 8 hr drive with the munchkins. Long story short. I asked her for help and she said no. She said multiple times "I would if I could" but ultimately she had plans. She did guilt me at one point that I can't break promises to the kids. I choose not to be combative but did reiterate that she does not know or understand what is going on.

At the wedding, I had a hard time initially, but loosened up and was even courted by a lady I met (which felt nice, but I wiggled my way out of the situation). Over the days coming out of the wedding our interactions were better, she seemed a little more at ease and texting has picked up a bit.

During this time I re-read some of my old threads and found posts from G. Bulldog that I had never seen, about sending the letter I had drafted a long time ago. This got me thinking about the letter again and possibly sending it. At this point a revision would be required. The motivation would be that one of two things happen; more communication or honesty (aka closure).

Then today occurred. Honestly, having a shitty day already (need to work less on my startup and more at my current job). But anyway I get this text from her out of the blue....

X....
Hey...I wanted to make you aware of this so that it came from me and not anyone else. My kidneys have taken a turn for the worst, and I met with the doctor today to refer me to the transplant doctor at the hospital. I'm in the end stage of the disease, so I will be meeting with doctors in the next or so to start the overall process. As you know, it was never a question of if, but when...still shocking news and quite scary. BUT staying positive and I'm very fortunate that there is a solution to this disease, it could be much worse. As I said, I wanted to be the one to tell you...because I can picture my mom blurting it out when you pickup the kiddos today! Just have to take it one day at a time.

I drafted a response and sent it 15 min later...
I wasn’t expecting that, and am reading this in disbelief. I’m sorry that you are going through this. You know how strong of a woman you are, and with a definite solution, that is most certainly a positive outcome. I am sure it it still trying on some level. I’d like to learn more if you are willing to share. Perhaps coffee or a drink or a green smoothy?

She responded at 25 min later...
I was going to take the kids to Bookstore on Sunday. We could all meet there for a coffee? I think they open at 11?

Me...
Ok. I'll see you then.

I feel pretty bad for her going through this by herself, but I have to try and remember that she was the driving force. I need to have empathy for her situation, without the anger that she was the cause.

I know this will be confusing for the kids, all of us at the bookstore. But what do people think about this?