Im always so amazed by the kind words every time I check this thread.
Originally Posted By: Mozza
If my WW was to read this thread, I would feel violated much the same way as if she read my journal. If you find someone's journal, it does not give you any right to read it. It's personal.
Yes, I understand that it was her choice to read whatever it was that she read. Yes, there were things there that were posted by me or others that would most certainly hurt her to read. But, some of the feelings I shared were still probably best not put out so openly into the world such that anyone that knew us and was looking could find them. There is somewhat of a difference between the postings and this site and a journal kept in a drawer. Based on this, all of the postings that I make are focused on me and not what she has done, is doing, or will do.
With that said, something truly incredible happened to me on Monday. Im in love again!! No...just kidding. As I mentioned in my previous posts, Ive been going to game nights on Mondays for the last 4-5 months. This is with complete strangers that only know me through this weekly gathering. As with probably many of the people here, Im terrible with strangers - Im incredibly shy, I dont deal well with small talk, I dont like crowds...you name it. Anyway, this week, one of the guys asked ME if I wanted to join his fantasy football league - they had an odd number and he was looking for someone else. There are a couple of the other guys from game night in this league, but theres another 12 that will be total strangers. So, of all of the people in this league and all of the people they know, somehow, they asked me to join. While it sounds so trivial written out, it means so incredibly much to me that somehow, Ive found some people that were previously strangers, and been accepted and really brought into the group as an equal. And now, Im going to go into a place with 12 total strangers and be the guy that I never knew I was capable of being.
With regards to dating and such, of course, Ive gotten pressure from several friends to go out and start looking again. But as I said to my friend the other day "I dont think its fair to start a new relationship, until Im not certain that if my wife approached me to consider reconciling, I would sacrifice the new relationship for the old one." He said that that was a very mature way to look at things and really, I think, was surprised at the way that I am handling going through this process. As Ive seen PigPen write many times, a lot of people get through this time medicated on alcohol, drugs, or sex. I am choosing to heal in a way that will respect the relationship that I had and prepare me properly for whatever relationship I may have in the future. I will not look back on this time and regret the actions I took while in this state of rejection and betrayal.
Thats really all for now. Thank you again for everyone's continued support!
