I hope last night garnered some sleep from you. I know hoW many times I laid awake replaying umpteen years of marriage to figure out where I went wrong...trying to figure THAT out. It was all a waste of time. Knowing that now, it is still tough to sleep at night sometimes.
I have been struggling lately with something. So I've been looking at what I'm doing, where I am, where I am in marriage, as a parent, etc for the last few months. Looking at journals I've seen a reigning consistency.
All those down times I've had all revolve around rejection. So that is my current behavior that I am working on, how do we cope with rejection in a healthy fashion.
I spoke at length about this in IC. It comes down to a couple of things really, first feel the rejection comes from caring and being vulnerable. The other thing it means is I sm still generating expectations on outcomes. Sigh.
It is ok to feel disappointment and rejection. We just can't let those feeling rule our lives or our hearts.
I have to allow myself to feel the rejection but I need to stop placing expectations on out comes. I have been doing better in this, especially on short term stuff. It is the long terms that are getting me.
I still feel as if my wife will come back to me and be sexual with me and show me true desire or love or affection. When I see these things or signs i it reinforces my expectations but then there are times like last Friday where i was trying ri be tender and she didn't and it hurt.
That is what I need to work on...no expectations, right. I feel like I have not learned anything sometimes
Ha, I'm hijacking threads now, sorry.
I going to atop at the school district office today to pick up an application for a recently vacated board member position (non-election) so I am going to sew what happens.
I hope your weekend goes well...our time IS what we make of it so let's make the best we can!!!
Hi Zephyr! Thanks for stopping by! It has been insane lately trying to balance working again and time with my S. I fall into bed dead tired every night. Been missing being on here.
I too am struggling with rejection and for me abandonment. I talked to my IC today and she was reminding me too that it was okay to feel my grief and my anger towards what is happening. I keep trying to detach, but maybe my not feeling certain feelings is stopping me from detaching more.
My H wants to drop my S off at school on Friday morning, and I've been obsessing about the "why". He said it could be fun, but in the time that my son has gone to toddler and preschool, my H has never shown an interest in dropping him off. So, I'm suspicious. But I shouldn't be, because I'm supposed to be detached.. SIGH
I know my S will be safe, so I should just leave it be.
How are you doing?
E
It really did make my day to see you were thinking of me.
hugs!!!!
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
Asitis, Go ahead and take the metaphor as far as you want, I don't mind!
Thanks for seeing that I'm making progress. I'm in a phase right now where I don't necessarily see that. But then again, I thought that my H and I were doing better, and apparently we're not as he wants a D.
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
My H wants to drop my S off at school on Friday morning, and I've been obsessing about the "why". He said it could be fun, but in the time that my son has gone to toddler and preschool, my H has never shown an interest in dropping him off. So, I'm suspicious. But I shouldn't be, because I'm supposed to be detached.. SIGH
I know my S will be safe, so I should just leave it be.
Leave it be. like you said he will be safe...he may even enjoy the different scenario, daddy dropping him off at work.
i'd even make husband get your son ready for school to...because you have something else to do (make him take the good with the bad - and I know I get my kids ready for school 4 of 5 days a week for the last 9 years so I know the struggles).
Embrace the extra time you will have then. meet a friend for coffee, have a nice breakfast...whatever you can think of. This is an opportunity to grab life by the balls and do something for you.
Really don't have time to meet a friend, but I was thinking of a really long shower and stopping for coffee. Normally don't get either one of those so it will be nice.
Good idea about not prepping my S for the day. I was already thinking what I had to do, but I don't have to do anything. H can.
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
Hey Elly! Have you seen the movie "Inside Out"? It was a kids movie, but it was maybe the best movie I've seen in years. It has a number of profound messages about how our emotions need to work as a team, how we can't always control them but can't let them control us, what role they play, and that angry/sad isn't always bad. So much more. Plus, it was a good story and maybe the most emotionally gripping movie I've ever seen (yes, both my best friend and I admitted to quietly sobbing in the theater when we went with our kids).
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
