My wife and I have been married for 10 years and have 4 beautifiul childeren. Unfortunately, after spending some time on this site, I realize now that we have never worked on our marriage, not truly. We each have had one affair on each other before this current one of hers. She did have an EA with a second man, but nothing ever came from it. I knew we weren't perfect, but I did not have a clue if she was this far gone until Last Friday.
That was when my suspicions came to fruition and I confronted her and she admitted that she is having a EA wuth this OOM. Since then every night after I put the kids to sleep, she stays up texting and talking to him. Our communication has gone from very little to non existent. This did however make me have a grand revelation. I have done some soul searching and made changes in my life not for her, but for my kids. It started for her, but as soon as I had broken my connection from Video Games, I quickly realized my life is happier and more fulfilling. Especially my relationship with my children.
I'm sorry if this all seems random but I really have no one to talk to so I wind up rambling to anyone that will listen. I've spent much of the last 24 hours reading the insightful help on this board. I was guilty of breaking all of Sandi's rules the first day or two after i found out. But applied them yesterday as best I could(I still cant resist snooping her chat with him to glean truth) and it seemed to help. She even initated a conversation with me last night. Albeit it was short and at 3 a.m., she still talked. I dont know if it was from me following the rules or that i overheard her and the OOM mutually masturbating over the phone quite loudly last night.
When we talked I was calm and clear spoken with my thoughts. However she said some things im not sure how to take. She said she loves me more, but I never have and never will make her as happy as he does. Also she said she was willing to give me primary custody if we got to a D. I know the rules say not to believe anything they say, and I know from snooping she is lying to me about how much they talk. Her actions remind me of Sandi's story only we are younger so i dont suspect a MLC. I know it hasn't become a PA yet because he loves in Florida. Although he has plans to come up here soon, I have gathered. She tells me they have only been talking a few weeks, but she claims to love him. She says she wants to follow the EA to see where it goes, even if it means losing me.
She has said on the last 4 days that she doesn't love me, so she contradicts herself too. I am still living at home and have actually picked up ALL the housework. She literally does nothing when i get home but text him. And once the kids are in bed they talk on the phone. Usually until 4 am and she has to be up by 7 to take ny eldest D to Pre-K( I am already at work by that point) I have been allowing her to nap in the afternoon when i get home from work, but she would probably do it even if I protested. Her care for the kids has dropped to almost nothing and O am struggling to pick up the slack. She has even said that they arent playing a factoryou in her choice to stay or go. So that is eveb more frightening to me because before the OOM, she loved them so deeply.
I read the "Newcomer LBH with WW" last night and am conflicted as to if i should be doing the cleaning and such, but I am doing it for the kids, not her, I just dont want to let her continue to "eat cake". However ,I dont want my children to suffer because I dont know if she would return to doing them if i stopped, but I know my children can't (The oldest is 4) cook or do laundry, etc.
I don't know what to do. The last PA she had ripped me apart for years because I already have low self esteem. Especially in the physical department. I dont want to lose my W or my D4 D3 D3 S1. I'm sorry for so much text I am just still so lost, but this forum has helped me come to terms with this. I am sure in my rambling I have left out info so if anyone needs clarification on anything or has questions, please ask. I will prolly share another wall of text. Lol Thanks for Listening.
TL;DR 10 year Broken Marriage. 4 kids under 4 y.o.. W says she loves OOM. Wants to be with him even if it destroys Family. Me lost and scrambling to try to save it.
