Roiste, the statement 'no I don't want to go, we can't afford both of us to go' may be genuine, but who knows for sure.
I know I heard that many times from wife As recently as about a year ago for things I wanted to do. I balked and didn't do it by myself or find someone to go with me instead. WHO LOST? ME. I did. I didn't treat myself the way I should have and ended up not doing something for me.
the point is, if there is something you want to do...just do it. you are to the point where you should be focusing on what it is you want to do with your life right now. I am not even talking about leaving yet. I am suggesting that you need to REALLY put some focus on you, your goals (which are looking good by the way) and your happiness quest.
Now, before you get defensive I have just one question...are you to the point that you are the man you want to be? the follow up to that will be that your quest, whether you are at home with your family or in an apartment, should be to make yourself that man. you can do that in limbo. It may not be easy to see your wife everyday, I know it is not easy. IT CAN BE DONE. it really doesn't change much where you are living or with whom. you should be focusing on your kids and you. Your wife is on her own quest to figure out whatever she is trying to figure out. YOU CANNOT CHANGE THAT, you just can't.
This is hard, the hardest thing I have ever had to do be 10 fold. breaking my dependency on my wife, but it is what I need to do right now. While that is going on I still get to spend every day with my kids. I still get to live a life with my family. I will not give that up unless I have to. As long as there is doubt in my mind that there is still hope, I will stay. At some point in the future...it may come to pass that there is no longer doubt. 'That' I have accepted. That I have already cried about too many times. It is something that MAY happen. but if it does, I will know that I have done everything for my family, for my kids and for me that could possibly be done. This is where the GAL comes in. It looks like you have a good idea of some more things you can do to get out. I hope you follow through and do some of this!!!!
Until that day when I have no doubt as to what I should do, I will stay and try. I will stay and fight for my family. This does not change anything no matter what my wife is doing. You will need to look at this. Reading your latest series of posts, It does appear that your wife could have some kind of emotional attachment thing going with this uncomfortable friend. What does that change for you? Has this crossed any boundaries you have set? Is this a deal breaker if it is true? What if she is just fantasizing about being free of marriage, does that change anything...cause it is almost the exact same thing.
No matter what is going on in that head, You still have your path. You cannot read her thoughts, her mind, nor can you control what she is going to do. This is why keeping the focus on US is sooooooooo important.
I know you are frustrated. I know you are hurting, upset, angry, sad, all sorts for emotions. I have gotten stuck so many times and honestly you are doing so much better than I did for a long time, I wasted literally years of my life being stuck before things started moving, and a bunch of that is due to the DB process. It is easy to get down on yourself. I just have to look at the wall of pictures of my kids and my wife as a reminder of what I am fighting for.
We keep hearing do nothing. Maybe that is what we are calling it, as the process relates to direct action on our marriage, but there is SO much that we can be doing for ourselves. we owe it to ourselves. we owe it to our kids.
Sorry for the 'rant-y' tone. I don't want you to get stuck or too frustrated with all of this I know you can do this. I know you can!!!!
