OK, so I have been gone for a while. I found this forum was helpful in many ways but I also found I was getting attacked for questioning things or not following the letter of the law. One person told me, we all screw up and break the rules sometimes. But others seemed to be harsh and attack me on occasion and it just wasn't serving me.
Anyway, I realized I need to come back. I really don't have much support otherwise. Everyone thinks I should just give up. When I say I'm still trying to get her back they say "c'mon it's been two months and she hasn't changed her mind...." or "look she bought a house. that seems pretty final." So I have to keep to myself about this, except just one or two friends who are sympathetic to what I"m trying to do.
For the most part I am still following the instructions. I have made many 180 changes in my life. I have completely stopped pursuing her and asking her to change her mind. She is still living in the house for anohter month until she moves into a house she bought so we are interacting and I am making sure it goes well. I am practicing me new communication skills, looking her in the eye, showing interest, but also giving her space and not following her around everywhere she goes.
The hardest part for me is Get a Life. I really have a hard time going out and enjoying time with friends. I can pretend I'm OK when I'm around her because I realize that is important for my goal. But the minute she's gone I take a nose dive. When I go out to pick up the kids at soccer and I see our friends there chatting and smiling, I have a hard time. It seems like everyone else has a beautiful life except me. they all have a partner, financial stability, family stability, and I have nothing except my kids, and even they I feel like are not in a good place because of what is happening.
Another thing I really struggle with is having to keep everything inside and not being able to tell her even just some basic things, without groveling or begging. I really want to just tell her that even after 2 months, I have made some great strides in accepting what is happening but I still love her and I still want to repair our marriage. I want to tell her that before when we were together I didn't appreciate her as much as I should and now I appreciate her so much. I feel like when I don't tell her any of this stuff, I am just enabling her to move out and make it easy and also making her think that I don't really care about her or whether or not we are together. For us that was one of the reasons she left. I gave her the impression that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with her. so I feel like by being indifferent I am confirming what she thought and she's thinking "see, he doesn't really care that I'm doing this. I knew he wouldn't." I feel a strong need to occasionally let her know that I do care and I don't like what is happening and I was wrong to give the impression before that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with her.
Anyway. I came back because I need support. Most of my friends are only telling me to give up and that doesn't help. When she's around I can be happy, because I understand the need for that. But otherwise I am not doing well. Every day is a struggle. I need to talk to some other people who are going through what I'm going through. I am not looking for someone to criticize me for failing to "Get a Life" after 2 months, or to smack me for wanting to tell her I love her and want her back.
Is there anyone out there that understands what I'm going through?
