This board has been extremely helpful in helping me cope, and I would like to share my story, and solicit some help.
So my W and I have been married for 2 years, together for 8. We met during the end of our senior year in college.
About 2 months ago during breakfast she was talking about some guy from work , and in a round about way the conversation turned to how unhappy she was in our marriage, and that she was thinking of walking away. As i pressed her, she said she had deep resentment for how many times i moved for my career without proposing to her, our intimacy was extremely lacking. The idea of being with someone else who could make her more happy was on her mind.
Things didn't quite add up, and I asked about this specific guy she had mentioned..of course she said it was ridiculous and that they just worked together. Long story short, I found out they were having an A. The OM doesn't live near us, so they talked a lot, and would met up on a few work trips.
When I confronted my W, she was devastated, begged me to stay, and said the A was over. She even showed me the text to OM saying just that. We had a vacation planned, and I thought it might be a good chance for us to just get away, and reconnect. Big mistake. I found out more details of the affiar (not that it was still ongoing, just more gorey details), and W's lies. She again begged, and begged and said how depressed she was...but promised it was over.
Well...we get back from vacation, and that Monday, I hear her talking to OM again. They had plans to meet in person that week. I immediately made W leave the house, and told her it was over.
My problem is that she shows legitimate remorse for like 1 day, and then tries to act like I should be able to move on, and brings up all of my shortcomings. She still isn't committed to making US work, on the fence. Its hard for me to recover from her affair and mentally deal with that fact that she isn't even sure if we will be together. I totally understand that i need to make some changes, but I feel like in the immediate future she needs to be practically begging to stay with me, and she is not.
Deep down I know I want our marriage to work, but I struggle with how to act around her on a day-to-day basis. Should I use a combination of the DB techniques with how to act to a WW? Should i continue to monitor her because clearly she can't be trusted?
