Let me share a phenomena with you and see if this rings true for you.
My now D21 often got a case of the tearful goodbyes when I was feeling that way. I'm almost certain that I wore/wear my emotions on my sleeve and she emoted what I was afraid of outright expressing. In other words, she acted on my sadness/fear/grief.
I was told by her IC that I had to do a better job of acting like I had my crap together, and that it was MY job to reassure her and her sister that we were totally okay and to present the front of stability and calm. And sometimes it was outright terrifying and a bold faced lie.
But after I thought about it some more, I realized that my parents did a great job about being optimistic in situations where they felt hopeless. It's the exact things that kids need.
So when I realized I had to adopt the same attitude, I quickly found out that my daughters - yes, both of them - responded in suit. I did have to find friends and family who were willing to let the fearful me emote, and they were (and are) a godsend.
Which isn't to say that my D21 didn't spy on me. Her room was next to mine, and try as I thought I did, sometimes she could hear me crying in bed. I just dealt with those circumstances when they arose. I also told her that for some reason, when I lay down, it's pretty much the only time my feelings come out and I let them. I told her it was healthy to release them and I'd be okay. And I made good on my promise to wake up in control again.
Hugs to you too- Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
