Fear of the future is my enemy. I think if I believed I'd be ok with being alone in the future I could detach pretty easy from H. But I just don't see that right now. Being mid-50s with no husband and no children sounds very bleak to me. My head knows God has a good plan for me but my heart doesn't see it yet.
I'm trying to focus one day at a time right now and not look too far in the future. For a planner/fixer like me that is very hard.
I can so relate to this. In my heart, I know I will be fine, but my head plays tricks on me. In one sense I do regret not having made it a priority to have children during my H's schooling, but at the same time relieved to not have children being put through this difficult time. That was a sacrifice we made together to invest in our future together. I assumed we would never divorce. As long as I had my H/M that sacrifice was ok. Now I may D at 45 having lost the chance to have children of my own. As my H told me shortly after BD, I can always adopt.
I am reminded everyday though that D happens to people all of the time at every age and stage of life. You still have half your life left to find someone that will honor you and your M. Keep trying to think in positives even as hard as it may be.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
