Azzork, I was already giving her money, but I guess I didn't expect her to do this and come home sometime. I guess I figured she wouldn't do this at all. It all seems calculated and unreal to me. It signals another nail in the coffin.
It's been two days now since I've literally spoke with her or texted her for anything. She still hears my voice when I speak to my kids when I call to say good night to them.
I am blown away and have a different view now, although I haven't really thought about why or what the new view is. I just know it's different.
Honestly, I don't know what comes next for me. I'm tired with all this and have so many things to think about and what I am going to do. All I know is that I am hurt, but less hopeful. I know I don't like her right now, but really don't care see the good in her and pursing her. I love my kids and I am pissed off that I live so far from them and I had a significant part in this breakup, but still can't believe that my wife won't try to work this out. I do believe that I must make a decision on whether to move closer to my kids and to either move forward or to move on. I can't keep hoping that wife will change her mind cause I don't get anywhere and am only fooling myself into sadness and despair.
Sometimes someone needs a hug to say it will be alright...I need one now, but will it be alright?
I only have the will and power for my kids now and nothing to give or fight for her.
I am taking blow after blow from her that hurts only on the inside of me. I try to be strong but every hurt or cut seems to be building and taking it's toll. I know I must push through and be an Army of One.
Oh Dear God, I ask you to hear my petitions and give me the strength and will power to be stronger so I can persevere.
