I think I do have a problem with wanting to be right, rather than wanting to do the right thing. That is an issue I could work on.
Part of me thinks, why should I pretend to be less capable than I am, just to get him involved with our lives? Why shouldn't I expect an adult to act like an adult?
But that isn't working and hasn't been working for a long time.
I need to find a way to change my behaviour while keeping my respect for him and myself.
I think I need to reframe things. I've been reading your threads and I see how reframing has been helpful to you.
Perhaps he's not childish or incapable or sulking. The more I think about it, the more I think he's stuck in self-protective mode, and I do need to take a huge amount of responsibility for that. My illness was traumatic to him, the way I behaved was unacceptable to any normal adult, and it took me a long time to get over it (I had PTSD which is resolved or at least under control now). I think I need to show him that I am trustworthy - that I am not going to go back to this place.
Perhaps my leaving him alone has looked like sulking and withdrawal to him. I am certain he's sensed my lack of respect for the way he's dealt with things over the past couple of years. I can work on rectifying those things.
I have some work and errands to do this afternoon, but I will be checking in again later.
Thanks all, so much, for posting. It has actually helped a lot to have a man's perspective on these things.
