I felt unloved. This much was real, and her behaviour was not misinterpreted. However, my flawed personality did not cope with it well.
Healthy options were there. Most clearly was that we should not have had children, or even gotten married. At least until this issue was resolved. The problem was that deep down I am/was ashamed of who I am. Not that I have ever done anything to be ashamed of, it is a remnant of an "unfortunate" childhood (an ongoing conversation with Vanilla details this).
Due to this self-loathing I clung to my W out of fear. I did speak out, but was basically shut down or ignored. So instead of acting with dignity, I buried it, hoping things would come good one day. After 4 years of this I was a detached, depressed, zombie. I wasn't even a target for her to love as a brother anymore. Now - the truth of the matter is that she may have simply not loved me.In which case R is not a possibility.
This pretty accurately describes me and my situation apart from the detached bit.
I felt for a long time that my XW didn't value or love me (and i had a previous LTR where i never doubted it to compare things to) so in some ways it's good to know my senses weren't way off base.
The bit I bolded at the end is key for me because this is the truth that it is important I truly accept as i move on.
Because in amongst all of the other things I look for in a future partner, right near the top of the list is that they choose to love me with all that entails. without that its all built in sand.
Anyway just thought I'd post as I feel like I know exactly where you're coming from.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
