hold on!! - 12

[u-turn]

Hi there Jelly - thanks for peaking in on me.

Her reaction was of no surprise to me - I've seen it before so I could guess how it would go. She would get angry of course, she would list all of the people to blame for this (me, IC, L, parents, brother, you, anyone else that she could think of, but not mention herself). The heath hex, I'm not sure where that comes from and she doesn't apologize for it in any way as if she didn't hear what she just said. I don't really give it much value - I feel like she is acting like the wounded dog that was just hit by a car and bites his owner that is trying to help him (I think Cali helped me envision this). It is her reaction.

We have e-mailed back and fourth a little of what we want to tell the kids, she hasn't really offered anything, but agrees with me. She doesn't think it is important for me to say I filed (I am mind reading about this a little).

In her last e-mail to me she said that we have wonderful children and they do not deserve this. I agree with this, but I'm not sure if she's implying that I am the only to blame. I didn't respond to that.

She told me she went to look at a house yesterday in the same town we live in and wants to talk to me about it. She also sent me a link to a family calendar and d family planner. I'm glad she is looking into the reality of this.

Tomorrow S17 is S18 and I agreed to go out to dinner together. I don't want to tell the kids until the weekend - I don't want S18 to associate this blow with his big birthday.

I am not sure about the actual living arrangements - I know I am going for 50/50 physical and legal custody and I expect that to be the case. I will want the kids to live with me, but will be fair to everyone (whatever fair is).

I work in the same school as the kids go, so they are aware that there school will not change - I am grateful for this.

I feel as though I am being friendly with W right now, more than I have been in the last several months. I do feel like I don't care that she would get the wrong impression from my niceguyness. I have been worried about that whole cake eating thing all along. Now I don't feel like it matters anymore.

Though I want to make sure that there is no mistake that I feel like our family time will be over when this is over - we will act separately.

Thank you so much for your insight into transitional families. I know very little about this and am sort of winging it. I surely would like some honesty here from anyone that thinks I am doing things that are detrimental to the kids (I do realize that this is all detrimental to the kids, but I mean to minimize this as much as possible).

I see my IC tomorrow - she has been gone for a couple weeks. I really don't know what this is accomplishing, but I like to go there and talk to her - tell my weekly story - I want to talk to her about the kids though.

I feel ok - pma is ok - no emotion though - kind of dead inside right now. I hope I liven up a little soon.

Thanks Jelly - you are a great friend.