Jen, I am so glad you posted. Thanks. Hope to see you again.
Dazed, we are definitely interested in the answer. Honestly and truly. We want to know how the men work. THEN we take that info and PLAY.
Hey all, I think I just hit upon something major. While driving back from getting my lunch, I remembered that when I first started DBing, when H would come home, the dogs go to meet him at the door with wags and bounces and smiley faces. I would join them and yell "Daddy's home, daddy's home" and throw myself into his arms. These were the days of major baby steps.
One day, he had had a bad day and didn't respond well. I didn't do it the next day. I began to look for other things to do. When he came home, I would be busy. I began to distance. I may have met him cautiously at the door and waited for him to hug me first, or not met him at all.
What a difference, huh? From his perspective, a HUGE difference.
So, I changed to being more cautious, then he seemed to stop growing closer to me. I took his distance as him not feeling for me and didn't connect it to my actions. I tried to distance more and began to look into his every move more (analyzing).
Last night, I mentioned to him that I was going to stop doing things for him. He said NO! with a lot of feeling. Like a kid, "NO! I want that ice cream, it's not fair..." He definitely wants me to do things for him. I explained that when I offer a back rub or foot rub or to pour him a drink or get a plate of food, he says no and rejects me. Then I realized, why do I have to ask? So, last night I gave my H a backrub and he kept saying "Umm, that feels good, don't stop." I didn't ask, he didn't get the chance to reject me.
I intend to test this theory out. Men like to (1) feel loved, (2) have their ego boosted, (3) feel appreciated, (4) feel important. (OK, so do women, but you all know what I mean.) So, for him to feel love for me, perhaps I have to be more of a "woman" and appreciate the heck out of him.
Tonight, when he gets home, I will greet him like the sun just came out after raining for days. I'll do that for the next couple of days. Then, this time, I will wait a few days before noting the reactions. If one day I get a negative reaction, I won't let it change how I handle it. I will keep going until a pattern exists.
This doesn't mean I will stop having a life and doing my own thing. But it does mean I will change how my "as if" attitude is.
