I remember some years ago when I was the one who vented the exact same thing in IC. I wasn't just tearing up - I was sobbing as I recall.
My dear former IC (and I'm not being sarcastic here - he was awesome) pulled in the reins and pointed out some things that forced me to wriggle around in my big girl pants, dry the tears and come down to earth.
Here's how it went down:
1. He reminded me that if my H had died, I'd have had to do all these things with the grieving too; I remembering him holding his finger over his mouth in the "shush" position.
2. He reminded me that I have choices. Yes. I have choices. I could sell the house. I could hire a handyman. I could hire landscapers. I could enlist the help of my oldest daughter. I could come up with my solutions, but he pointed out that I'm not stuck in any situation unless I wanted to be stuck.
Then it came down to the fact that I just wasn't wanting to embrace my choice-laden life. Yep, it meant dealing with my feelings and that u-haul I was dragging behind me filled with resentment. THAT was holding me back, dear Sunny.
Resentment happens when we're expecting others to take care of our needs when we're not willing to step up to the plate to take care of them ourselves.
Wash, rinse, repeat. I didn't make that up, I swear. Smarter people than I have shared that. And it boils down to being 100% committed to self care. WHEN you're committed to self care, the resentment dissipates. Not saying it's not present at some level, but when you're taking care of yourself, those ugly, repressive/oppressive/suppressive thoughts are not allowed to take center stage and ruin your fabulous existence.
If you weren't thinking about this crap, what would you rather be doing?
And yes, I've done this exercise. Verbatim. When I answered that question, my C told me, "What are you waiting for? Go do it!"
Now for the epilogue to the story. I also did an exercise in parallel to my self care amp up. I made a list of things that I had that my ex didn't. So much of it was intangible, but all the things I cherish most in this life. Heading the list? My adorable daughters live with me and we are a package deal. Everything - and I mean EVERYTHING - I have is a blessing from God. From #1 on that list, it was so easy to list 10-20 more of those wonderful things that I have that couldn't ever be overshadowed by my utter disdain for yard work and handyman chores. Or my resentment that he was living a maintenance-free living in his small apartment and drinking himself into oblivion.
Repeat after me: The world is my oyster, and I have everything that I love in my life right now.
Now... doesn't that make his clutter free existence seem like a jail sentence??????
Hugs to you, Sunny-D!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
