Quote: wow, you are getting oral now--that's great.
OK, you just made me spit out my water all over my computer.
Quote: How did these rules come about???
They are not spoken rules. Just things I have picked up. If I hug him, he lets his arms hang at his sides. If he hugs me, it is warm and usually lasts a while. When I tried holding his hand (months ago) he told me he feels weird when I touch him. (I haven't actually tried this for a while, but I also don't think it's wise) And so on, the rules pile up, but they are not verbal rules. Just things I have learned.
It all goes back to H telling me he feels weird when he touches me. He doesn't have that "passion, feels like I am his sister, etc." ...another reason, along with wanting to do it for myself, that I want to get on the ball and lose weight. He says it doesn't matter to him, but every time I lose a few, he gives me compliments like crazy. He used to cry when he told me he thought I was so beautiful. When I get back there, I hope that he will find me "so beautiful" again.
Quote: what if you don't follow the rules???
Then he punishes me by distancing.
Quote: My OM loved to hold my wrists, it was a power thing with him that he could control me.
My H is not a controlling person, but I have recently begun to suspect he is passive aggressive. He may have some control issues that I never recognized before, but when he holds my wrists, it's not with anger or control, it's just as if he was holding my hands. It's gentle and caring but it drives me nuts. It's just an inch from my hands, but if he touched me there, he would recoil as if I was a hot coal. I guess he just doesn't want the intimacy and it is nothing more than that.
As far as the control issues, I am not so sure that he would have control issues if I let him feel as if he is in control from time to time. I was the one who organized and planned and ran the household finances. Perhaps he wouldn't have found it necessary to control me by doing all the "manly" things around the house if I had let him feel "manly."
