Yesterday I went to my IC, and I swear someday I'll get through one without tearing up. Sigh...... I lamented how grindingly annoying it is to take care of this big house and my car by myself. And while I feel like I did 85% of it anyway, the remaining 15% is killing me. I don't want to take my car to get the oil changed. I don't want to hang up shelves. I don't want to spread mulch. I'm pitching a little internal temper tantrum over having to do everything myself now, just because he is self centered. While he lives in his "clutter-free, teenager-free" apartment (courtesy of Stacey).
I'm also trying to get paperwork in order for the meeting with the financial expert. Not that much fun.
So.....Sunny has a bad attitude today. I'm going to check the temperature outside and if it's less than 95 I'm going to go for a run. And if it's not, well, there's always ice cream.
It's just difficult Sunny, all of it. All of that 15% is also a reminder of the loss. It's an extra kick in the backside to have to do, and then to realize why you have to do it, and then experience them together. And then to do the extra 15% when you're already exhausted from the experience of the situation. It's all compounded.
I still naively believe what Zeus wrote, that some day this will all pass and not only that, we'll all come out for the better. Until then there are going to be days when we have to eat ice cream. For the record I've "quit" eating ice cream over 7 times since BD. At some point I'm just going to give in and admit that ice cream is the replacement I've chosen for love, affection, physical touch, sex, and any other form of comfort that's now missing. In addition to being a pain killer.
Sending you a big hug on your difficult day. I hope you got to go running and then ate the chit out of some ice cream.
Big hug,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
