It's hard HopeOK. How about this....what things would you expect of him if you were in a trusting relationship? Make a list. Say 7 things that you would expect.
Then see which he is doing and which he is not.
Then consider how to approach the gaps.
Ok... my list:
He would be affectionate. He is doing this. He would make time for us to have quality time together. He is doing this. I would like a little bit more but figuring out the babysitting & affording that is tricky. But we are making lots of progress in this area. He would tell me he loves me. He is doing this. He would spend less time on his electronics. He is doing this. He would find ways to reassure me & to make me feel secure/safe. He is sometimes doing this. Usually only if he notices I am a little bit distant. And he is not verbally reassuring me. He would talk with me about his thoughts and feelings regularly, we would have intimate conversations, & he would check in with me to see how I think things are going or to make sure my needs are getting met. He is not doing this. We don't have any relationship talks, really. I brought up him reading His Needs, Her Needs on vacation & why I thought it was meaningful for me (He agreed to take a look at it so he could tell me what he thought. He has read 1/2 & has not initiated any conversation about it.) but that was the last & only conversation that had any depth at all. He would not have relationships w/ other women and have clear boundaries that he would communicate to me. Not sure if he has a friendship w/ OW. He is not communicating anything to me on this & I have not asked.
Ok.... now... how to approach the gaps! A conversation?
T: 14 M: 12 D: 9 S: 6 BD: 2/18/15 (H affair) Working on marriage: 3/12/15-6/11/15 Broken Trust (my error): 6/11/15 H ring off: 7/6/15; Comm w/ OW confirmed 7/13/15 H wants to work on fixing things: 7/21/15
