Thats a lengthy post, but Ill give a couple thoughts.
Before I do, read all of the homework. Carefully, thoroughly and repeatedly. Theres a ton of GREAT stuff in there.
Originally Posted By: Abe31
The thing is, these problems were fabrications based on kernels of truth. Emotionally, my wife was off the deep end.
After months of back and forth silliness through lawyers
And I see my wife's over-emotional reaction as her being very hurt and still attached.
First, this post feels like a lot of you pointing out her problems. You point out here that shes going "crazy" and doesnt understand the "truth". One big thing I have learned her is the following:
Her perception is her reality
What I mean is that something that you may think is silly or inconsequential or minor or whatever, could be important to her. And theres no way that you can say that its "wrong". So Id read up on the validation cheat sheet. Its a great tool!
Originally Posted By: Abe31
So, my hope? My wife continues to drop hints though social media. She is still following my lead still emotionally and is definitely dealing with depression over the relationship. The problem? I'm not allowed any direct contact. And while I have been active on social media, GAL-ing without knowing it and trying to remain positive I am feeling burnt out and depressed.
I went dark on social media and in life 9 days ago and have already seen a change again on my wife's SM. But no direct contact and no conversations are taking place. I'm hoping my lawyer gets us to mediation but that is not going to happen until September or October. Because I'm tired of the pseudo-communication and guessing from SM hints.
I would stop trying to infer things from social media. The lives and the posts and whatever that go up there are filtered. She is showing you what she wants to show you. I'd stop looking at her feed if I were you as youre only going to get confused, hurt, or both.
Originally Posted By: Abe31
How do you DB someone who's used the nuclear option on me? How do I get to even decent communication with someone who's lied outrageously to end the marriage? We have kids, we have a lot of life to live. How do I detach without sending her off the deep end? Can she really start to see her part in this?
You cant save a relationship if both people arent interested in saving it. However, just because both people arent interested NOW, doesnt mean that both people wont ALWAYS not be interested.
So, what do YOU do? 1) Read the book 2) Start working on you. Find the gaps in you that you want to improve. As a dad, as a friend, as a man. Start working on them. Detach. GAL. Take the focus off of your relationship and put it on the stuff you can control: YOU.
As for the communication, read the 37 rules, read the validation cheat sheet. Start there. Be the best co-parent you can be. Otherwise, what do you need to communicate about?
