New Terrain? Or more of the same? (New thread)

[DifRent]

Well friends, been off the board for a little bit, the distance was doing me some good. But for some reason, I'm struggling to figure out how to respond to her now, this being almost four months to the day since the bomb drop.

This month, WW moves into her new place, and it's looking like October for me - but it could be sooner. She continues to run around in her business and her life like a chicken with its head cut off. I come home from my job in the afternoons and she is usually here, working and staying just long enough to temperature check before she runs off to the next appointment on her calendar.

This past weekend, on Sunday I think, she called and said she wanted to meet at the bank to close some accounts, and then to go for a coffee to discuss the division of our assets. Since she'd already sent me a list of exactly what she wants, I told her I didn't think sitting down to talk about it was necessary.

Then she said, "Well, you know, I would just like to talk, about things, you know. Just talk." I was noncommittal.

Saw her yesterday briefly and she was very uncomfortable before going out the door. Today, she came downstairs and greeted me almost warmly, talked about all the equipment I need to constantly load and unload from my car, asked if I needed help. As she came downstairs to leave, she asked when we could find a time this week to go to the bank and go get a coffee. I said I'd go to the bank when it worked for me to get my name off the accounts, and then she could close them at her convenience.

Then she said all this: "What, you don't want to go for a coffee? You know, I want to sit, and talk to you, like a person. Let me tell you something, and I don't want you to take this wrong way like I'm coming back or I want you sexually, but I miss you, and I feel guilty, yes... very, very guilty. I walked out of a committed relationship and that was wrong but I want to talk to you, I even want to hug you, but... you won't give me a chance." (Turns like a petulant child and heads for the door."

All I could say in response was, "Well, let me know your schedule." Because really, I didn't know what to say. She said, brighter and happier, "okay."

Friends who've been down the MLC/WW road ahead of me - should I meet her for coffee? If I do, am I just helping her ease her conscience, or do I use the opportunity to validate what I can and throw truth darts when it's appropriate? Is she suddenly afraid she's going to lose me for good once we move out of here, and she's looking for a lifeline? Might there be any of my real W underneath these pitiful pleas for me to "give her a chance?"

I just don't know. I want to do the right thing, more still want to SAY the right things. I still want to be open to reconciliation down the road. But the good news is, right now, I mostly just want to move to the next phase of my life. Her popping in and out does me no good. I'm thinking the best thing that could happen, whether R is possible or not, is for me to move out and go dark. But I'd appreciate some insight.

Thanks!