Getting worse and harder

[Painter]

I honestly think you'll impress your W a lot more if you fight for your children and put your foot down in a calm manner about her limiting your access, with the guidance of a L. I don't know any woman who likes a man who doesn't stand up for himself or for his family. (Call me old-fashioned, but I think it's true and key to a successful M.) Without being controlling or overbearing, though, so sometimes that requires watching your step.

The children have nothing to do with going dark or no contact, and I'm not sure how you can implement either of those techniques until you have a temporary custody agreement in place... which would be my first priority to get. I haven't seen anywhere in the books or on the board that it was suggested to cut out contact with the children? Legally, you should also try to show your great ability to co-parent with W, because that's a factor in how custody is decided, if this goes further. But co-parenting doesn't mean her getting her way in everything... I've seen lots of guys who seem to think that.

Also, DBing is not about no contact. It's about self-development, focusing on becoming a person that only a fool would leave, and about coming to a place where you accept that your spouse is their own person and you can't control what they do or don't do, you can only control your own actions and reactions. That package naturally includes not pursuing.

When you focus on being the very best you can be, living your own, fulfilled life (not looking to your partner to fulfill your needs), you become an attractive and interesting person, and *hopefully*, your partner will see that they left behind something valuable and ask to come back.

Practical steps for you to take right now? Your L appointment today should bring you some clarity, glad you decided not to wait for your friend!
I'd re-read the DB book and work on notes and goals.
I'd limit contact with W to child-related issues and other practicalities, and stop any unproductive verbal conversation in its tracks.

Good luck!