My Reader's Digest Version

[SParker]

I'm new here & struggling like most of you. My story is not exactly the same, but has many similarities as we all seem to be in a very similar proverbial boat. For those of you up a certain creek without a paddle... hang on and have faith! My heart truly goes out to you!

I'm new to a lot of the methods used here, but not to marriage strife. I'm struggling with my third husband, so my feeling of failure is greatly increased. There has been no unfaithfulness on either part, so I feel relief in that. My H has appeared mentally unstable for awhile now, but not sure if that is MLC or just damage from some drug usage in his life prior to our R or M. Anyway, he is living in our business and I am at home. He is a wonderful man with a kind and loving heart, very giving, and a lot of fun when things are going well. Basically, the man of my dreams!
BUT- we have severe communication struggles that have led to so many other problems! All of the hurt and frustration this has caused is so incredibly painful in our M that it cripples us in almost every way. Maybe it's because we are from different cultures? H is from Puerto Rico & I'm a farm girl from the Midwest. H grew up in a family of 7 kids; me, an only child from a single mother. Relating to each other probably has much to do with starting our problems. The way we react to those problems has just about killed our M.

Before H left the last time, things really got ugly. We were picking fights with each other in the middle of the night when he got home and I decided in my infinite stubbornness to bring my cigarettes into our bedroom. (If he said one more word to me...I would light one!) Well, he did and I did. Then after he ripped up the cigarette I had just lit... I got the pack and lit another. Things turned physical quickly! He held me down and I retaliated by biting. (I HATE being held down...control issues?) Fast forward...now H needs to heal from abuse. He makes references to being able to someday not twitch when I move my hand. I can understand not wanting to walk on eggshells but feel like this is overboard. He really feels like he is traumatized and this is his 'reality'. I realize I can't reason with him right now, but I take great offence to his view due to 1st H beating the life out of me for 7 yrs. Been there, done that & feel like he has no idea.

I know I have not been the W I wanted to be, and take responsibility for my part in our M. Just still awestruck that H blames me for everything! I am trying to work on me and my issues, it just hurts as H wants to still try for our M, but doesn't see any issues from my shoes at all.

I do feel very blessed that we still love each other & want our M. That has to be a big positive in our favor! But, this is the last straw for him. Can't say I'm that far behind him emotionally.

This has got to be the longest Reader's Digest Version ever so I apologize, just not used to writing anymore.

Have a hopeful day & God bless!