I appreciate your insights. I have told my D that me and my S stand by her. She is so sad and incredulous that her dad would give her such an ultimatum. She plans to think on it for a day then send him an email to discuss.
SpinningJenny I think you hit on something when you say my H feels like he is loosing control. He has been feeling marginalized at work and is in the process of an HR review of his Supervisor. His Father passed a few months ago and his mother doesn't live in the U.S. He carries a lot of guilt for leaving her. She does not want to move here so she is alone which is looked down on in his culture. So he is carrying that. The one area he has left to show he is in charge is by requiring our D to follow this religious requirement even though he was not required to do it and in fact married outside of his religion. He has not ask or required her to follow any other religious doctrine. So it is a bit confusing to us. I also believe that this return to a more "religious" lifestyle is part of why he has pushed me away this past year. One of his excuses for justifying his behavior.
Our S talked to his dad yesterday and listened to his dad talk about how marginalized he feels at his job and how he hasn't been treated fairly. Our S empathized and then asked him how he thought our D felt when he didn't listen to her and give her a chance to explain her position. Didn't he think his D was feeling the same- marginalized. My H said it's different it is her religious duty. Again any way he can justify his behavior and not look at it and the possible consequences if he in fact goes through with it. Which I truly believe he will.
I cannot believe he is willing to give up his relationship with his entire family ( not his extended family though, I'm sure they support him) just to make this point that he is right and that there is no room for any discussion when it comes to this subject. Seems like going to an extreme to get what he wants.
So utterly sad it's hard for me to breath today :-(
