Taking it back

[Huddy]

Hmmmm......I'm not really sure what to say to that one. That is really a kicker. So, what happened to 'he won't move in' etc.? Let's see what kind of man he really is now.

Stay strong buddy. Understand if you don't want to talk about it any further.

[NDY]

Morning folks

Thanks for stopping by.

So when they say detach you think you are then this happens and boom. Man, this is harder than I thought.

[Huddy]

The bigger question is how does OM act now? From your previous description of him, he's a bit 'fly by night', so how will the responsibility of being a father effect him?

Is your W thrilled at this news, or muted?

The next bit is up to you. If her world falls apart and OM doesn't want to know, could you accept her back with a child?

This is all very tough and I can appreciate just how devastating this is. I don't know if DB covers this at all.

Bat signal for Wonka.

[NDY]

Hi Huddy

At this point in time I know nothing. I believe he's delighted but I really don't know what to think.

You're right in one respect, DB doesn't come any where near this type of situation.

[Zues126]

Keep walking away from the wreckage. Keep walking. Don't look back. Keep walking.

It has been a while and I can't remember- are you legally D? I'm telling you, it's time to get that D filed, get it signed, and put an end to this.

People are asking if you'd accept her back with a child. That is SO not the question. That is SO irrelevant. She ended your M, had an A, destroyed your child's family with no regard to your or his feelings, and is now introducing an irresponsible man to him, and adding to the family with total wrecklessness. While it is tragic that she is in self destruct mode your only priority can be to avoid being collateral damage. She hasn't done anything to give any reason to do anything but keep her in the past. You simply cannot be far enough away from this woman.

Continue to be NDY 2.0, be there for your son, for yourself, and live the way you feel God would have you live.

Personally I don't like the whole 'what makes me happy' question. I think that's the question that leads people into trouble. When we try to architect our lives it doesn't go well. We need to serve those around us, our children, our God, our employers, and trust that if we follow then we will be provided for spiritually and emotionally. I speak from a man that had a number of years putting goals on paper and knocking them out...that just doesn't quite work.

Keep posting NDY. This ain't about her anymore. She destroyed the right to play much of a role in your threads. But these are good people that can support you. I'd encourage you to start posting on other newbies threads and give back. This community is invaluable and I think you can bring some good advice to those LBH's that want to cling to their dead M.

[NDY]

Hi Zues

Thanks for the kind words. Yea, I know I need to get away from the wreckage. All I can do is be there for S10.

I'm not D'd yet. The rules here are very simple to interpret but complicated to implement. The split has to be complete before the court will allow the D to be final. We are still financially intertwined at the moment so that needs to be sorted out first.

I've been on these boards for a while. I used to post quite often but I took a break as I was in a good place and wanted to find myself a bit. This latest news though has taken the wind out of my sails a bit.

This changes everything. The finality of it all is quite something. This isn't even about getting a D but still DBing. This is it. She's starting a new family, planned or not. The complexity of this is staggering.

But I do now know that all the plans I had around DB with the house etc are in the bin. I need to re invent my entire life.

[gonegrl]

Wow, NDY. I don't know what to say. I am sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through, but you sound like your head is in the right place. Stay strong, I agree with everything Zeus said, walk away and take care of your S. I wish I had something wise to say to help you, but I am thinking about you.

[NDY]

Thanks Photoka

Yea, it's pretty devastating. This changes the landscape so much. I still can't believe this is happening in such a short period of time. I really can't stress this enough to anyone reading this. That woman has lost the plot. Everything she has done since May 2014 has been the opposite of the person I knew and loved. It's just insane.

I don't normally do labels but this, this has to be a MLC of epic proportions. There is more to this tale to come. I can feel it.

I also think her 'unplanned' pregnancy was indeed planned, by her at least. Not proud of this but back in March (before I found this place) I was in my house because she was in hospital (not sure her reasons for attending are legit tbh) and she, at that time had been taking folic acid. Yes I was snooping. I forgot all about it until last night when she told me. So the OM has been trapped and remember, he's 8 years younger than her.

What a mess.

[Huddy]

Ah, Folic acid. OK, so snooping was useful here, plus her comment to S10 in November about brother/sister.

Yes, OM may have been 'trapped' in to this situation now. Well, I've no sympathy for him, stealing another mans W. I do, however, have the up most sympathy for you.

I think this is an epic MLC. Sadly, I have no confidence in OM staying the course. He hasn't set up home with her and appears not to be at the age for settling down.

Whilst I appreciate where Zues is coming from, this is when NDY might just shine through. It's gonna be real tough, but you need to play out a scenario in your head about W coming back with another child. You may not want it, but you have to think about it to release that genie from the bottle. If this is the ultimate straw to break your back, then you have to feel that from within.

Do your family know? Does your W's family know? This is when the 'real' people come out to help.

[JAL]

The OM is at least 34, the age many men start thinking about a baby. Who is to say it wasn't planned between the both of them?