Still Struggling with a plan!

[hopeOK]

Yeah, sleepless night last night. Haven't had one of those for a few weeks. Really having a hard time shaking this one. H was very attentive and said "I love you" many times last night (as I got in & out of the bed trying to take something that would help me sleep) & was affectionate. The things that normally help reassure me. But it didn't work last night. I vaccinated between thoughts of him already involved with her & thoughts of when he will become involved with her again. And thoughts of - how am I going to live like this w/ this fear periodically rearing it's ugly head? Do I want to live like this?

I know I have a choice in what I focus on and most of the time I am pretty in control of all that. I've been doing really good with letting these types of thoughts leave pretty soon after they enter. But this talk w/ Dr. Harley has really done me in though. Hearing a professional who is a subject matter expert (although I do realize some of his ideas are a bit radical) tell me that h is very susceptible to have another affair has me pretty convinced of that truth.

Look, you know what stinks even more if you mix it? Yeah you do, so don't!!!

The OW is his problem and do not go on making it your own. If he's hellbent on contacting her, he WILL FIND a way, frankly speaking, he might be romancing her in the copy room as we speak, and you cannot do anything.

So for PEte's sake, give it a rest. Slap a boundary on his behaviour if it affects you, otherwise do not.

So take your eyes off him and go on with your life, let him decide if he want's to join you...

But if we are supposedly working on our marriage, he has chosen to join me. He hasn't given me any indication that he is doing something he shouldn't. But I just feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.