I'm new here, but I think you said and did exactly the right thing.
The only person your husband can control is himself. Perhaps he's learning that he's not able to control you anymore, and he's attempting to both control your daughter and hurt her as a way of getting at you.
Perhaps he's panicking about loosing her and feeling like he's lost you?
Who knows. The thing is, you said the right thing. I think the only thing to do now is let your husband do whatever he wants to do, draw close to your daughter, and help her learn the lessons you've been learning about letting other people go and doing what is right for you without expectations.
Sorry to hear you've had such a hard time. It sounds horrible.
