OK, I think I understand. My H also enjoys giving and receiving oral, it's his favorite. I know it is because he feels the most connected, it is so much more intimate. I guess it's good then that he has started to "give" again, just recently. I hadn't thought of that, perhaps this is an intimacy babystep.
Quote: Maybe its more important to experiment in the hope of finding things that seem to make him feel more comfortable, more relaxed, more intimate.
I think you are probably correct in this assumption. However, he has these weird "rules" that he subjects me to. Only he can iniatiate hugs, no kissing on the mouth, no staring into each other's eyes, he won't kiss or touch during ML, no hand holding. Cuddling is fine, doesn't matter who iniatiates, and putting my legs across his lap while on the couch or rubbing each other is fine. Holding his wrist (of all things) is fine. For instance, he danced with me the other day. Just out of the blue, decided to grab me in the bedroom and twirl me around a bit. But, rather than hold my hand, he held my wrists. (Boy, remembering these rules is so frustrating.)
Really, the wrist holding is the most frustrating. It's like when he kisses me on the corner of my mouth. Hey, I should be looking at this differently, I know. It's like he is testing the waters. He's close to my mouth when kissing, or close to my hands when holding me, but not quite there.
But I feel so dumb when he does that. I feel like screaming! "WHY?!?" What is the stupid, big deal about holding my hands? I hold my friend's hands. I guess he views it as too intimate. What if he held my hand? Would he be burnt by the fire in my skin? What would really happen?
You can sense my frustration with this, I'm sure.
Why on earth would he hold my WRISTS??
Quote: I might be wrong, but maybe you need to back away from the sex focus, and start trying to build intimacy at a lower PT level, like really trying to make something connective with hugs and hand holding? What might happen if the two of you just sat together once every morning holding hands (no talking, no discussion about it right away, no expectations, no judging if it is difficult) and looking into each other's eyes, say with a five minute time limit? Five minutes can actually be a very long time in someone's eyes.
This sounds like Heaven. I want hand holding more than anything else in the world right now. If you told me that I could have 5 minutes of hand holding in exchange for my eyesight, I would say no way, but I'd have to consider it for a moment.
