I need some advice. I would appreciate any feedback.
This is a long complicated story and part of my marital issues. I'm going to try to give you a shortened version.
My H and I are not the same religion. When we got married I agreed to raise our children his religion but I said that I would always honor whatever choice our children made as far as what they wanted to practice.
And I kept my word I did not interfere when they were children but my H was not really around much and wasn't really diligent about religious practices. We celebrated both holidays but always told the kids they were their dad's religion.
As of today, my kids do not feel they are practicing any religion. They are both very open to all practices. My D met a young man who is not her dad's religion and has been seeing him for several months. He does not live in the U.S. So she decided to go to his country to try to find a job and to see if they could have anything together.
I have been encouraging my D to tell her dad about the R and be honest with her dad. She has been reluctant waiting for the right time.
She told her dad about the move but said it was for a job.since she moved, my H has called me 3 times asking questions about who she was staying with, about work visas, etc. today I told my D she has to tell her dad the real reason she moved because it was the right thing to do and because she would feel terrible if he found out from someone other than her.
So she texted him (because she doesn't have phone service yet) and told him in a very eloquent way, keeping his feelings and beliefs in mind that she was seeing someone and that he was not the same religion as her dad.
my H has told my D that he will not support her or have any contact with her, as hard as it may be, if she chooses to have a relationship with this young man. He will draw a line in the sand and she will no longer be his D if that is what she chooses.
Then he called me to try to find out what I knew. I answered all of his questions honestly. He tried to blame me for not telling him about the R but I told him that I did not have many opportunities to talk to him in the past 8 months since he was not responding to any emails or phone calls and that our D was an adult and I felt it was her choice when she was ready to discuss it with him.
My H also told me that he would not waiver and if our D chose to stay with this young man that his conscience was clear he was doing the right thing for our D by looking out for her best interest and letting her know that he would not allow her to be with anyone other than someone of his religion. He said I probably would not agree with it but that was the way it would be.
I told him that he was free to believe what he did but I did not share the same viewpoint. He said he would try to talk to our D tomorrow.
I emailed our D and told her I had talked to her dad and that I would support her with whatever her decision is. I told her I felt terrible and I felt like it was my fault for so many reasons. She is sad and says it is not my fault and we both understand that the belief has been hanging around for some time it just hasn't been explicitly said until today. And with such conviction.
What do I say to my D? How can I support her? i do not agree with my H. I do not feel I can support this ultimatum. Leave this young man or I will have no contact with you. I fear this is what is going to tip the scales and pull us further apart. I also believe that my D didn't say anything earlier because she was afraid it might cause our M additional friction.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to proceed? I could use some guidance!
