Alright, I'm a guy, so I'm just gonna think out loud sort of stream-of-consciousness from my own experience for a few minutes...
My primary LL is probably PT, followed by WOA, but I've also really come to appreciate QT since it is W's primary LL. ML does make me feel very close to my W, it makes me feel like she loves me, it is rather important to me.
Before I met W, I had been able to be able to just have sex, w/o any other attachments or feelings. I'm not in a position to be able to verify this now, but I'm pretty sure I would not be able to do that anymore. I think all of that changed with W. ML with W taps directly into my emotions no matter what I'm feeling. I feel an extremely intense connection to her when we orgasm, it's like we connect on a spiritual level (note that I am NOT saying that this is the only time I feel that way with her--but a particular way that is generally reliable). I had for awhile when I was "out-of-sorts" tried to shut those feelings out, but it just caused me more hurt, hurt I wasn't acknowledging.
W would generally--not always--close her eyes during ML, I sometimes followed suit, but I preferred eyes open. It bothered me when she closed her eyes, but I don't think she was accustomed to the intensity of eyes open, I think it was a bit much for her. So instead of looking at her closed eyes, I would visually scan all of her.
With your H, the question is why does he behave the way he does when ML with you. It does seem like he's holding back his feelings, holding back on being truly intimate. But why? I'm trying to imagine why. Is he trying to hold back feelings, or is he trying to recapture old feelings for you, or maybe he is so concerned about how you feel he's afraid to look, or maybe its just too intense for him right now? I'm not sure.
I do remember reading part of a book a few months ago that was almost entirely about couples sharing PT and affection with their eyes open. The author started off talking about doing basic things like hugging and holding hands and kissing with eyes open, before moving towards ML with eyes open. It was a rather scholarly book, but also very down-to-earth and enlightening. Unfortunately I'd read it much too late to productively share it with my W. Given a future chance, I will definitely try this approach. I have recently had the chance to hold her hand a few times, and I've used it as an opportunity to look directly at her when I do. I can feel the intensity rise when this happens (which I means for my sitch I need to be careful about this for now).
Are there any other guy opinions out there? I'd actually like to hear them too.
