My self respect, I think. The space to stop feeling like I'm constantly having to perform - to 'earn' a conversation or to 'earn' him treating me with basic civility.
You're right, I did think that time would heal. If I knew what he needed from me, I'd do it. But he won't tell me.
What I need is to know that he's in this. And I believe that he's not. So I can carry on living for, and financing the life of, someone who doesn't want me. Or I can leave and get on with mourning my mistakes and healing from this.
