I know what you mean. It is really frustrating. I feel like I am dealing with a child sometimes and I am sure it shows, which will only feed into the problem.
I can't take responsibility for his passivity, and I am sure you know you can't take responsibility for the choices your wife made and makes now.
It is hard though. I want him to choose me. What that would look like right now is putting in a bit of effort to talk to me about his feelings, ask for what he wants, and address his side in the relationship. It could be there's lots more on my side to work on, but I can't mind-read. Sometimes I think the silent treatment is a kind of punishment for him. Sometimes I think he claims I am controlling him because it is easier for him than facing up to his own decisions awanted the relationship to improve, I would be committed to being in it for the long haul. If I knew he wanted to leave me, we could set that in motion. But he's stonewalling me. It feels really childish and I feel incredibly angry at him for it. Sometimes I think he claims I am controlling him because it is easier for him than facing up to his own decisions and inability to make them.
Then again - he is making decisions. Just like your wife made a decision not to work on the budget or keep up with expenses. He's making a decision to ignore me, to decline conversations, and to speak to me consistently in ways that mean I have to end the conversation to protect myself from the gas-lighting and nastiness.
I am struggling with a lot of anger tonight. I behaved horribly when I was ill, and I do not blame him if there are lasting effects on him from that. I should have sought treatment earlier and I should have controlled my emotions and behaviour better when I was ill. I am sure he was suffering terribly and felt that he was doing the right thing. He was not a bad man. But these days he seems to be enjoying the limbo - of being in the relationship without having to put in any effort to improve it. I think there's a part of him that is punishing me. I don't know what to do about that.
The more I think about it, the more I think things will not improve unless I leave. He's communicating to me he doesn't want me, and for my own self respect I think I need to listen to that and act accordingly. The more I read here the more I think this is cake-eating in another form.
And I am really, really sad. This was a chance for us to spend some time together. We didn't have to have a big relationship talk, or a talk about money, or anything like that. We could have just had a friendly night. But he doesn't want to be my friend.
The more I type here, the more I am coming up against the fact that I think it is over between us and he's too passive and comfortable to actually make the move, which means I will have to.
Sorry to be such a downer. I've been trying really hard to give him what he needs but I think what he wants is to be single.
