Still Struggling with a plan!

[hopeOK]

Today I had a phone conversation w/ Dr. Harley (of the His Needs, Her Needs fame). I was hoping to get some help with dealing with the daily insecurities of what my h is doing & the triggers that come up for me & cause some anxiety.

Instead I got more anxiety piled up on top of the low level anxiety I feel when h is at work. Basically he said that the OW is like a drug. He is seeing her at work so he is bound to go back to her. Also that she should be exposed to her husband. I knew he felt this way & was kind of expecting that. I do not plan to do any exposure at this point (6 months after the affair ended) but if it ever happened again I would definitely be likely to do it.

But h getting another job is out of the question right now b/c of a number of circumstances. I keep sending OW vibes to quit & go somewhere else but that doesn't seem to be working.

So now I'm feeling horrible and a panicked... like I am destined to repeat all this again b/c he works w/ the OW. And I still haven't brought myself to bring up boundaries & to ask if he is still talking w/ her outside of work.

I just don't know what to do. My first instinct is to talk to h tonight about not feeling safe, boundaries, & ask if he is still talking to her. But then I think my anxiety I am feeling is bound to come out & I'll really blow the conversation.

So thinking I need to try & sit on this. But how to be "ok" & not feel so hopeless, I do not know. Wishing I'd never emailed him.